Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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