Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
