btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
