you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
