My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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