what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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