white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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