you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
