Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
