Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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