Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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