So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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