Quick, to the slutcave!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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