woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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