Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
