I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
