Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
