Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
