im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
