Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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