someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Bring me that man meat
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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