I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
