Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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