Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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