when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
