The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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