I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize