Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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