Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
