he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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