It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
