I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
