TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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