what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
