D3 body, D1 cock
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
