Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
