God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You dont lie about slip and slides
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
