I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
