apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
