the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
