Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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