soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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