If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
