Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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