GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
