i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
