Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
