I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
