Can i not drive my cunt home
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
