Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize