Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
