It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
