I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
