In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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