Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
NoShamevember. You game?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
