she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
