Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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