Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
