captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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