you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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