so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
