Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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