no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
