nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
