The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
