matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize