dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
