I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
40s are totally the cure
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
