Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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