You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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