She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
