So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
